How do you untangle twenty years of a relationship and five years of trauma from your mind? Especially if the choice to part ways was not yours? Memories of the moments past haunt you like ghosts. Objects light as a sheet of paper become impossible to lift or touch. Every day, you wake up to a new reality, a life that must be someone else’s because you hardly recognize it as your own.

Shhh, the camera says. Let go. You’re with me now. Forget the pain of the past. Don’t waste your days fearing the future. Let go. Remember the power of the here and now. Notice the world and the people around you. The present is yours to take.

Friends and loved ones materialize out of thin air. Again, here to support. Hold me upright. Distract. Offer harsh truths, words of wisdom, empathy, and understanding.

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them turned out to be figments of my imagination. It can’t be that a person gives so much and asks for so little in return, even if the evidence points to the contrary. We drink, we laugh, we walk, and we share a few tears now and then when the conversation takes a serious turn.

How can I repay the kindness measured not in gestures and words but in years? Sure, the situation called for it—nobody should walk that path alone—that’s what you do, you help the ones you love, but doesn’t it become tiring after a time? It must.

And still, they are here.

My August album is a carousel of loss, love, confusion, and enduring friendship. You can see it HERE.

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Have a Think

Stories and photography for chronic overthinkers.

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